ABSTRACT SHAPES
By RubyS
Living
in this beautiful and culture enriched country, boasting majestic wonders in
nature, wildlife and vast bio-diversity, we have much to appreciate and enjoy.
In
every area, nook and cranny of South Africa, we, along with every crook and
nanny, are presented (or confronted – depending on how you perceive things)
with diversity.
Boasting
a sum of eleven official languages according to our constitution, I can
comprehend and almost appreciate a misconception or misunderstanding amongst different
circles and cultures.
Often,
due to our lack of understanding and even more often, our lack of trying to understand our actions and
words are misconceived, resulting in unsavoury responses and outcomes. The sad part is that more often than not, the
intentions behind many actions and words are innocent. Instead of putting in a bit of effort (but
heaven forbid that we strain ourselves) to see what the actual intension behind
the action is, we take the ‘lazy-man’s’ route and either brush it off as
irrelevant, or immediately get defensive and prepare for an inevitable
confrontation of sorts.
If
this doesn’t hit close enough to home as it is, I hate to be the one to break
this to you, but the same is true in relationships. Does the term, ‘I see your lips moving but am
not hearing (understanding) a word you are saying’, sound familiar to you at
all?
For
instance: he sends you flowers when what you really want is his time spent with
you. She gives you a hug when what you
really want is a home-cooked meal etc
eventually we reach a point and form the conclusion that the relationship is
just not working.
Usually
the ‘problem’ has nothing to do with the love for each other or for the relationship
and has more do with the colour or shape of languages been spoken.
My
opinion is that we are all unique and differ in many ways. And thankfully so! (Imagine how utterly boring and painfully
mundane the world would be if we were all the same).
Sure,
we may have many similarities, but ultimately we all differ in some way or
another. I accept that there are
probably very few who see the world the way I do or grasp my reasoning,
understanding and/or method of self-expression as I do. And that’s alright by me (I know the world
can only handle so much techno-coloured, multi-personality type of ‘me-ness).
Should
that be the case, then it would only make sense (well to me anyway) that I
could be talking circles and you could be talking squares for instance, causing
an astronomically huge breakdown in communication.
This
need not be as problematic as what it seems to be at the time however. In fact, if we learnt how to apply a certain
level of dedication in, at least, an attempt of understanding, we could
possibly have a clearer picture of what the actual intention behind the oval shaped
words expelled from our significant others (or anyone else) mouth piece are.
In
saying that, I feel inclined to add that it don’t necessarily mean that we
should disregard or exchange, our own very valid, language shape for the sake
of ‘keeping the peace’.
The
sooner we recognise, accept and embrace the fact that we all speak in different
shapes or colours, the easier communicating will be. It took my partner at the time and me
numerous ‘arguments’ and many years wondering why the hell we were even on the
same plant, let alone in a relationship at all!
Henry David Thoreau described this absolutely
perfectly by saying, ‘... treat your friends
(partner) for what you know them to be.
Regard no surfaces, consider not what they did, but what they intended’.
Communication
is a vital part of any relationship be it friendship, partnership, marriage, or
business relations. And if we would just
conjure small amounts of compassion, caring, understanding and love for one
another, then we could combat the great dilemma of miss-communication and
broken relationships.
If
you are starting to feel that he is from Mars after all (and he
probably is), my suggestion would be the following: Learn to listen with Martian ears. And in turn, if she is talking in circles,
perhaps invest in a ‘self-help ‘circle’ dictionary. In
other words, try adding a touch of patience and understanding for the
inevitable gaps in communication that do occur from time to time.
And
probably because I am the fast thinking slow learner that I am, I have only
recently realized that there is a common rule that should be applied to all
forms of communicating. I refer to this as ‘the rule of DDE’ (Ditch Deaf Ears). In other words, listen not to reply but to understand. And if understanding proves difficult, there
is a very simple technique that is used nowadays called, ASK.
I
think that if everyone practiced this simple ‘rule’ we would all get along a
hell of a lot better. Not all words are
spoken maliciously. Sometimes the intent
really does get lost in translation.
And
so in closing, I want to draw your attention back to the quote by Henry David Thoreau, I referred to a few
paragraphs back, in the hope that it will be taken to heart.
‘Treat your friends
(partner) for what you know them to be.
Regard no surfaces, consider not what they did, but what they intended’.
I
do think that if we can all apply this rule, then this playground called life
that we all share, will be a much better, happier and safer place to play (live).
